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Saturday, December 5, 2015

Strong is my only choice.

"You never know how strong you are, until being STRONG is your only choice."

This quote is widely used and how frequent can you relate this to your life?
Well, today I had experienced something that totally relate to this saying.

I've not told anyone yet, but I experienced discomfort while swallowing saliva & gurgling water for the past few days. So today, I made an appointment to visit the polyclinic and was referred to A&E at Jurong East. So after all the waiting and x-rays, it's finally my turn to actually see a doctor.

At first, she tried to look for the sharp object near the end of my tongue/ start of my throat, but couldn't find any, so she told me that she is going to put a camera through my nose to see if there's any objects down my throat. Still remembered 2 yrs ago, I encountered the same thing and all the doctor did was to pull out the fish bone? That experience was already chilly enough but now, she wants a vision down my throat and through my nose.

I have no other choice but to let her proceed. The discomfort of the long stuff down my nostrils was slightly unbearable and weird. Most of the time I kept my eyes tightly closed and clenched my fist to avoid thinking of all the possible images that I could think of. The "adventure" doesn't stop there. After pulling it out, she wanted to put it in again with some sort of wire attached to it. The discomfort was unbearable for both sides of my nose and after stopping her for a few times, I requested to put it through my mouth instead. The slight touch of the wire in my throat got me startled and I immediately grabbed the nurse's arms. The doctor still couldn't find any bones and went on the search again near the end of my tongue area (this time using her own hands). Instead of pulling out fish bones, she pulled out tonsil stones and it hurts everytime she tries to pull it out. I was shocked to see the size of those stones but she assured me that those are not cancerous at all.

In the end, there's still no findings so she helped to made an appointment on Monday morning for a follow-up. So if the discomfort subside by Sunday night (hopefully), then I won't have to turn up for the appointment. Got lozenges and gurgling solution at the end of the consultation and all these waiting and painful experience lasted for 6 hours. My gastric pain did act up a little, but I was alright, just that I didn't consume any water and was feeling quite dehydrated. Silly me hopped on the wrong train and got to spend another few minutes for the detour back to home.

Linking back to our topic here, so what's has it gonna do with being strong? Well, 2 yrs ago I was accompanied by my boyfr to the A&E for the extraction and during that time, a hand/shoulder to lean on felt so much better than going alone. Not to mention when the camera went through my nose and I had no one to turn to at all. The very unlucky part for today was that my phone battery was not charged, so I have no entertainment at all. I kept telling myself that I have to be strong enough to endure the discomfort so that the doctor can help me out. Every single time she searched through my throat or trying to push the camera deeper, I cringed super hard. It is very embarrassing to say it here, but I teared when the discomfort came on too strong. The camera with the wire part is the unforgettable and unbearable one. She tried to put in the left side, I teared and stopped her and when she tried to put in the right side, I teared again and stopped her again. She kept telling me it will be okay, but you know, there's definitely a big difference if there's someone by your side or not. Today, I went in alone, no boyfr, no family members (although everyone's at home) and no friends. Just me alone.

Even though the experience is very scary still, I can proudly said that I'm one step closer to independence.
I want to and will make it to independence one day. (:

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