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Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Mind Game Strong.

Have plenty of thoughts running through my mind (as usual), but some of them I’ve strongly felt.

I have a friend who was worried about her bgr, yet I admire her courage to go for what she wants. From my POV, I’m currently busy with work, school and dance and these might be the factor why I seldom think of rushing into a relationship. Similar to any ladies out there, especially in the mid-twenties, I do crave for a boyfriend, a shoulder to lean on. But this has become the bottom of my wishlist.

As time goes by, prioritizing assignments, exams and dance classes occurs concurrently and the thought of falling into a hopeless romance drifted away. From my previous experience, a very strong feeling I must say, I’ve learnt to live independently and started to think for myself only. I started going out for movie alone and dining alone, and apparently all of these seem too natural for me. It becomes a part of me yet it’s so toxic that it is embedded in me (somehow).

I began to lose patience when coordinating groups meet-up and started to lose the way I socialise with people. I became a standalone and often live in my own thoughts. Furthermore, I’ve been stuck in my desk for the longest time ever since reorg. It’s really a bad idea to always stay in my seat and not mingle around. Because for now, I lost touch of a lot of stuff – the craziness vibe that my colleagues gave and the laughter they shared. I could see built-up walls or imagined drawn up curtains that block me away from them. I’ve been blaming them for casting me out and being paranoid of them saying negative things behind my back, but actually, it’s all in my mind.

In reality, nobody has time to give their full attention for anyone. We all have some matters to worry about – saving for travels, buying branded goods, study, hobbies – no extra time is going to be wasted on someone who plays their drama.

I should really stop now. Stop all the negative thinking. Even though I said it a thousand times, but it kept crawling back. Mind game, please stop playing in my head.

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