I'm in-charge.

I've been staying up later at night for almost everyday due to exam revision and of course, spending some time alone. I've also been thinking about what had happened to me lately and what has life been treating me so far.

Well, looking back, I don't have the nicest/best job in the world, neither do I have alot of friends but the best thing was that, I experienced less drama back then.

I don't have to deal with hidden messages in between lines or avoiding friends that won't greet one another when we obviously bumped and saw each other. (That was horrible, I swear!)

But now, when social circles are slowly broadening up, you can really see alot of different types of people in nth situations. Those that were pretty obvious, was to look for you when they have problems, but if they don't, you're simply ignored. Oh, and I have some who we were considered as a group, but few of them will talk to themselves, stuck together and don't include you in their conversation.

It's like, what can I say or do? I can't change myself to fit in, neither can I tell them off and force them to include me right? It's a matter of one's perspective, their/my point of view.

If the group that I'm in, has a bunch of gossipy girls, and if I don't feel comfortable, then I jolly well zipped up or leave the group. I don't have to be one to fit in and make them like me. Yes, I do gossip and I listen to them because it's funny. It's just funny when A gossips about B to the group and B gossips about A behind their back. This is like never ending. You won't know when it's your turn to be back stabbed too.

& if the bunch of girls purposely outcast you and went out together without inviting you, then just forget about it. No matter how much time and sweat I put in this friendship, I still won't gain trust and respect. I have better things to do in my life and I do not have to place them as my priority because they won't bother. So, do not blame me if I were to totally leave you out because it's time that I decided to not care about anything about you already.

Anyway, after ranting so much (oh boy, I'm such a nagger), I've decided to put up this video done by Bubzbeauty about Girl Drama. Saw it last night and I could totally relate to my situation right now.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”― Bernard M. Baruch

I've changed. I realised this change in me when I've decided to forgo about rages and unhappiness instead of bottling it up and hold grudges for long time. 

Take a deep breathe and analyze the pros & cons and you let go.

I do not need others to make me happy.

I am in-charge of my happiness.